Difficult Issues

Is it Possible to be a Good Devotee but a Bad Husband?

There is a long list of men in ISKCON who seem to be amazing devotees and act in Krsna consciousness to everyone, including their children, except to their wives.

These men were unfortunately, groomed to be this way as bramhacaris. It is somewhat of a contradiction to be a good devotee and a bad husband. We desperately need to help men become better husbands, not just better devotees. I have many young girls I would like to find good husbands for, but there are only a few men I would trust them with.

The male ego really wants to be in control. In this sense it is more difficult for them to be Krsna conscious. They have the purusa bhava, whereas the woman naturally has the prakriti bhava, so to serve and be submissive comes easier to her. The man wants to be in control, be the boss, etc., which makes it more challenging to just be a servant. And this explains why he can be a servant of his guru or other senior men, but not a great servant of his wife. I tell men it is most purifying to serve women because it helps them overcome the tendency to enjoy and control women, and it curbs pride. But not all are ready to hear or accept this. It is indeed a huge paradox.