You may feel incomplete; you may feel that something needs to change in your life, but perhaps you consider
yourself incapable or unwilling to upgrade your spiritual condition and to become fully satisfied; and so you may decide to join with a woman to help you become wholesome. This is natural and legitimate, but you need to be careful not to enter the relationship from a point of too much weakness and dependence. As Srila Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja wrote: “The man thinks the woman would complete him and the woman thinks the man will complete her. But in reality when two incompletes come together they become even more incomplete”.
Do you think a man can make you feel complete? Are you dreaming about a celestial man who will solve all your problems? If you feel incomplete and look for completeness in your partner, your research will be frustrated, because that emptiness can be filled only by Krishna, not by anyone or anything else. “All forms of incompleteness are experienced due to incomplete knowledge of the Complete Whole.” (Sri Isopanisad, Invocation)
Of course, you might be at the stage in life, in which getting married is the best choice; you need the experience and the identity as a serious householder for the next 25 to 30 years or more. But you should carefully examine your motivation and your expectations for getting married. Do not expect your partner to complete you and 55 make you completely happy. As Srila Prabhupada’s disciple Uttama Devi Dasi of the Grihastha Vision Team in North America warns in the book Heart and Soul Connection: “Marriage is not a cure for your personal unhappiness. If now you are not happy, start working on your personal issues before looking for a partner. If you don’t, you may try to resolve with wrong relational pattern what you should actually fix in yourself. Unhealthy emotional needs may cause you to upload unrealistic expectations on your marriage partner, thus placing an unfair burden on her and on your own marriage.”
This is an excerpt from the Bhakti Marriages Course “Get Ready for Married Life for Women” from ISKCON Congregational Development Ministry, prepared by Sri Radha Govinda Dasi.