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Difficult Issues

What is Wrong with Illicit Relationships and Association with Non-Devotees

Marriage experts say the more you have in common with your partner, the more likely your marriage will succeed. When there are more differences between both the partners, there will be more conflicts as well. For example, if you are into Krishna consciousness but your lover is not interested, not even willing to follow the regulative principles then the relationship is going to be hard as your lover is not willing to compromise to suit you.

If you want to stay with a man who is not a devotee, unless he is very conservative, then you would be stuck with a partner who doesn’t share your ideals. For neophytes, this makes it even more challenging to follow the regulative principles.

Association with non devotees goes against the ideals we wish to achieve. If you associate with someone who is not a devotee, who doesn’t want to be a devotee, who eats meat, is willing to have sex and drink sometimes, then you are making being Krsna Conscious difficult for yourself. And having sex with him is inevitable.

It is important to understand that sex is for having children. That is why Krishna made it. Just like eating is for nourishment. You only eat chocolate cake because it tastes good, but that is not the purpose of eating, and it would be stupid to do so. If sex is for having children, then it logically follows that you should only have sex with a man you are married to and who would be a responsible father. The Catholics have understood this for 2000 years, but our society has become so degraded lately that we think it is okay to have relationships with the opposite sex without taking the responsibility to marry. If we just get this idea deeply into our mind, intelligence and heart, then it will solve many problems. For example, when a girl thinks of marrying, she should think can this man be a good father of my children?

A woman who is still not ready to let go of a relationship with such a man is most probably either emotionally attached or insecure without a man. But, this cannot be encouraged as this is not at all a good reason to be with a man.

Plus, our shastra says don’t be alone with any man you are not married to. And, boyfriend doesn’t count, unless you are engaged. So in Krsna Consciousness, we teach that you should not be in a relationship with a man you are not planning to marry. In Vedic terms that is totally unacceptable and unheard of. Relationship between man and woman is for marriage, not for feeling good, hanging out, having fun, sharing one’s mind, etc.

So, if you are in a relationship with a man with whom you have no plans to get engaged, married and have kids, then according to our philosophy your relationship with this man has no connection to bhakti. In Krsna Consciousness, we must do what is right, not what we feel like doing. The principle is to do what is favorable for bhakti and reject what is not favorable. If you are not willing to take the chance of marrying such a man, or don’t see him as one you would want to the father for your son, you have no business, from the Krsna Conscious point of view, being with him. It is just like eating chocolate cake because you like it, but it is not good for you. Even if you like chocolate cake a lot, still you need to learn how to stop eating it.

You need to realize that from Krsna Conscious point of view, the whole relationship is illicit, irrespective of whether you are sexually involved or not. Sex is only an aspect and a natural by-product of an illicit relationship. The relationship is really a bigger issue than the sex.

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